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In the Press: Vice roundup on how to handle the discovery of infidelity

I contributed to a roundup discussion on Vice on the best ways to handle discovery of a partner’s infidelity. Thanks to freelance writer Anna Goldfarb for her intelligent, non-sensationalized moderation of a difficult topic.

As quoted:

Infidelity is usually is a symptom of longstanding, deeper problems, and its discovery can be an opportunity for a couple to become more curious about what’s not working in the relationship that led to acting out and betraying the other.

If both members of the couple are motivated to salvage their relationship, they would be well served to seek professional help. I’m a believer in a yours, mine, and ours approach; that is, three licensed mental health professionals. If not already in treatment, each partner would benefit from finding his or her own individual therapist, plus a couples therapist for the relationship. As a side note, many people aren’t aware health insurance covers both individual and couples therapy, but it really does.

What I see nowadays is that infidelity usually gets discovered as a result of digital fingerprints in one form or another. It can be tempting from that point to embark on a campaign of digital surveillance, but it’s not usually productive. It tends to only reinforce mistrust, when the task facing the couple is to rebuild trust. This comes from real, honest, in-person communication that’s not mediated by technology. When a couple has trouble communicating productively like this, that’s where psychotherapy becomes essential. The challenge is to learn to put feelings into words rather than actions, especially destructive actions like cheating.

Geoffrey Steinberg, PsyD., Psychologist

Follow the link for the full article:
Anna Goldfarb (August 3, 2017). How to handle being cheated on. Vice